Monthly Archives: October 2016

A verbal hug…..

My friend Ra is AMAZING!!!!! I hope someday I’m as brave and imaginative as she is……….She blows me away with every blog of hers I read, and inspires me, not only with her creativity, but with her strength, and her generous heart as well. She GIVES, so much, with every word she writes. I often wonder if she realizes what a gift she, herself, truly is? I do, and I just adore her ❤

rarasaur

I’ve been waiting for her to come home, pressing my face to the window, skipping meals as I fill up on all the ticks and tocks of time. I smudge the glass to stare past it, the vision too blurred to see, but I think seeing is unnecessary in this case. I will know her. I knew her so very well.

I’ve been waiting for her to come home, letting my hair grow out. The cells are dead but they remember the waiting, so I let them flow, keeping them tucked to me. I want to cut the locks that hold in this year of time.

I am not waiting any longer.

The window is clean now and I see now that there’s no way she’d ever walk up that path again. There is no path. There is no she.

But then, nothing is ever created or destroyed. There is…

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Musings…….

It’s funny, the things that run thru your mind when you’re trying to sleep and can’t……

I learned early yesterday morning of the passing of a friend.  His name was Paul Curran, and it hit me pretty hard.  First of all, I should tell you, I’ve never met Paul in person, only conversed with him here in “bloggerville” as a mutual friend of ours is fond of calling this space.  Paul has a way of grabbing your heart at first meeting, at least he did mine, and we had a few very wonderful conversations.  I hope he knows how much he means to me, and how grateful I am to have had the opportunity to know him, even for so short a time. I look forward to meeting you, face to face.  Until then, enjoy perfect health, lucky dog!

What if I’d never come back here a few weeks ago?  I don’t even remember how I did.  I’d have missed out on a friendship that, though brief, has enriched my life, in ways that I see and feel, and in ways that I’m sure are yet to be foreseen.  Such are the mysterious and loving workings of my very awesome God.

Thank You, God, for yet another one of your gifts.  I just wish this one didn’t have to end, for me, so soon.  For, Paul, I am so glad his suffering is over, and he’s earned his eternal reward.

 

 

 

OK, God….What now?

I’ve cried Uncle, and started pain management, only to have the one sleep med that’s worked in the last 28 years taken away!  This doctor says that my chronic pain is caused by my sleep pattern……lack of stage 4 rem sleep( ummm duh!  I can’t sleep more than an hour at a time without being woken up by pain, unless I’m knocked out by my trazodone that you took away from me, ty!)  and chronic sinusitis (which I’ve had since I was , like, 12)I never had any issues with sleep deprivation until after my first injury in 1988. Since then, I’ve struggled to get a decent night’s sleep, and over the years, it’s gotten harder and harder.  His answer to this diagnosis, is:   1.10pm bedtime, 2. sinus sprays for sinusitis, and 3. a medication for sleep that I’ve taken in the past that caused vivid dreams and/or nightmares when and if I finally did fall asleep.   In my 28 year cohabitation with chronic pain, which includes visits to Mayo Clinic, I have NEVER heard of this diagnosis for chronic pain, ever!

I started his protocol last night……….to make a long story short, I had the WORST night’s sleep I’ve had in years, and was in so much pain when I got up, I woke up my poor husband from a sound sleep with my tears.  In order to comply with dr’s orders and not risk getting ” fired” from pain management, I have to do this for at least two weeks, at which time is my follow up visit with this doctor………I hope I’m not certifiable by then………your turn God, because I certainly can’t handle this!

Amen.