Author Archives: suzanne2901

it’s just a blog

I just can’t help myself, have to share yet another of my wonderful friend Ra’s blogs…….she’s just that special……Her writing, oh, how it grabs you and takes you along on her wonderful journeys! Like I’ve said before, I sit in awe, and pray that I can learn and grow from reading her blogs and being lucky enough to be granted a space in her circle,, ……….that some of her magic will land on me………

rarasaur

There’s a woman in the commercial, typing wildly, at a desk. She is clearly an author.  Pages of words line her screen and her workspace, sheets of crunched up paper fall from her trashcan.

“What kind of job do you think she has?” my friend asks her 5-year-old. The young one is learning about jobs, at school.

She sighs in mock-grownup-exasperation. “Mom. I already know what she is.”

“A firefighter?” I joke.
“A guitarist?” Her mom joins in.

“No,” the little one says, turning to finish her lego structure. “She’s a dinosaur. Just like Rara.”

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“You don’t know me,” he says, as soon as I answer the phone, “but you know my girlfriend. My future wife. My hopefully-future wife. To be totally honest, she knows you. I don’t know how much you remember about your readers, but she remembers everything about you. She reads you every day, and tomorrow…

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A verbal hug…..

My friend Ra is AMAZING!!!!! I hope someday I’m as brave and imaginative as she is……….She blows me away with every blog of hers I read, and inspires me, not only with her creativity, but with her strength, and her generous heart as well. She GIVES, so much, with every word she writes. I often wonder if she realizes what a gift she, herself, truly is? I do, and I just adore her ❤

rarasaur

I’ve been waiting for her to come home, pressing my face to the window, skipping meals as I fill up on all the ticks and tocks of time. I smudge the glass to stare past it, the vision too blurred to see, but I think seeing is unnecessary in this case. I will know her. I knew her so very well.

I’ve been waiting for her to come home, letting my hair grow out. The cells are dead but they remember the waiting, so I let them flow, keeping them tucked to me. I want to cut the locks that hold in this year of time.

I am not waiting any longer.

The window is clean now and I see now that there’s no way she’d ever walk up that path again. There is no path. There is no she.

But then, nothing is ever created or destroyed. There is…

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Musings…….

It’s funny, the things that run thru your mind when you’re trying to sleep and can’t……

I learned early yesterday morning of the passing of a friend.  His name was Paul Curran, and it hit me pretty hard.  First of all, I should tell you, I’ve never met Paul in person, only conversed with him here in “bloggerville” as a mutual friend of ours is fond of calling this space.  Paul has a way of grabbing your heart at first meeting, at least he did mine, and we had a few very wonderful conversations.  I hope he knows how much he means to me, and how grateful I am to have had the opportunity to know him, even for so short a time. I look forward to meeting you, face to face.  Until then, enjoy perfect health, lucky dog!

What if I’d never come back here a few weeks ago?  I don’t even remember how I did.  I’d have missed out on a friendship that, though brief, has enriched my life, in ways that I see and feel, and in ways that I’m sure are yet to be foreseen.  Such are the mysterious and loving workings of my very awesome God.

Thank You, God, for yet another one of your gifts.  I just wish this one didn’t have to end, for me, so soon.  For, Paul, I am so glad his suffering is over, and he’s earned his eternal reward.

 

 

 

OK, God….What now?

I’ve cried Uncle, and started pain management, only to have the one sleep med that’s worked in the last 28 years taken away!  This doctor says that my chronic pain is caused by my sleep pattern……lack of stage 4 rem sleep( ummm duh!  I can’t sleep more than an hour at a time without being woken up by pain, unless I’m knocked out by my trazodone that you took away from me, ty!)  and chronic sinusitis (which I’ve had since I was , like, 12)I never had any issues with sleep deprivation until after my first injury in 1988. Since then, I’ve struggled to get a decent night’s sleep, and over the years, it’s gotten harder and harder.  His answer to this diagnosis, is:   1.10pm bedtime, 2. sinus sprays for sinusitis, and 3. a medication for sleep that I’ve taken in the past that caused vivid dreams and/or nightmares when and if I finally did fall asleep.   In my 28 year cohabitation with chronic pain, which includes visits to Mayo Clinic, I have NEVER heard of this diagnosis for chronic pain, ever!

I started his protocol last night……….to make a long story short, I had the WORST night’s sleep I’ve had in years, and was in so much pain when I got up, I woke up my poor husband from a sound sleep with my tears.  In order to comply with dr’s orders and not risk getting ” fired” from pain management, I have to do this for at least two weeks, at which time is my follow up visit with this doctor………I hope I’m not certifiable by then………your turn God, because I certainly can’t handle this!

Amen.

God is soooooo THERE……

Hey,

Don’t get me wrong, I’m blessed and grateful that He is, trust me.  I just wish I knew why He chooses to wake me from rare sleep to tell me things, especially when my brainfog  takes so long to clear when I get woken up from said rare sleep.

God’s been the most constant friend I have, especially when my actions, and sometimes even my heart, has told Him to kick rocks.  I’ve abused His friendship, forgotten about it when times are extra good, and hung from His neck 24/7 when times were crappy.  Yet He’s consistently overjoyed to hear from me.

Lol, I think I just answered my own question……..He wakes me up to get my undivided attention, just to share a private moment, and say I love you……and it’s on me if my first thought is WHAAAAAAAAAT??  I’m sleeping here, do ya mind?  Wow,. I’m a 50 something bratty teenager, how embarrassing!  I am a true CHILD of God, and my manners suck first thing in the am…….I’m ashamed, and also now know where my son learned the behavior.  No wonder it bugs me so much, mini me.

I’m pretty lucky that God is sooooooooooo THERE…..and glad He always will be!

More later, xx

Suz

 

 

Opiod shmopiod

Grrr……….so sick of the government telling the world that people with chronic pain are all addicts,  and then dictating yet another aspect of our lives!  None of us chose this life-sucking set of circumstances, did we?  I sure didn’t!   I’d give anything to turn back the clock and stay in bed the day I got injured, and avoid the snowball speeding behind me that chronic pain has become.  I wish this country hadn’t taken God out of the equation, because without Him, our government is a far far cry from what our founding fathers envisioned.  He was the conscience and compassion that is so obviously lacking in our so called leaders today.

With that being said, please allow God into your life, and let Him manage your pain, friends.  Without Him, I’d be in a padded room.  God bless y’all xx