Category Archives: Faith

Musings…….

It’s funny, the things that run thru your mind when you’re trying to sleep and can’t……

I learned early yesterday morning of the passing of a friend.  His name was Paul Curran, and it hit me pretty hard.  First of all, I should tell you, I’ve never met Paul in person, only conversed with him here in “bloggerville” as a mutual friend of ours is fond of calling this space.  Paul has a way of grabbing your heart at first meeting, at least he did mine, and we had a few very wonderful conversations.  I hope he knows how much he means to me, and how grateful I am to have had the opportunity to know him, even for so short a time. I look forward to meeting you, face to face.  Until then, enjoy perfect health, lucky dog!

What if I’d never come back here a few weeks ago?  I don’t even remember how I did.  I’d have missed out on a friendship that, though brief, has enriched my life, in ways that I see and feel, and in ways that I’m sure are yet to be foreseen.  Such are the mysterious and loving workings of my very awesome God.

Thank You, God, for yet another one of your gifts.  I just wish this one didn’t have to end, for me, so soon.  For, Paul, I am so glad his suffering is over, and he’s earned his eternal reward.

 

 

 

OK, God….What now?

I’ve cried Uncle, and started pain management, only to have the one sleep med that’s worked in the last 28 years taken away!  This doctor says that my chronic pain is caused by my sleep pattern……lack of stage 4 rem sleep( ummm duh!  I can’t sleep more than an hour at a time without being woken up by pain, unless I’m knocked out by my trazodone that you took away from me, ty!)  and chronic sinusitis (which I’ve had since I was , like, 12)I never had any issues with sleep deprivation until after my first injury in 1988. Since then, I’ve struggled to get a decent night’s sleep, and over the years, it’s gotten harder and harder.  His answer to this diagnosis, is:   1.10pm bedtime, 2. sinus sprays for sinusitis, and 3. a medication for sleep that I’ve taken in the past that caused vivid dreams and/or nightmares when and if I finally did fall asleep.   In my 28 year cohabitation with chronic pain, which includes visits to Mayo Clinic, I have NEVER heard of this diagnosis for chronic pain, ever!

I started his protocol last night……….to make a long story short, I had the WORST night’s sleep I’ve had in years, and was in so much pain when I got up, I woke up my poor husband from a sound sleep with my tears.  In order to comply with dr’s orders and not risk getting ” fired” from pain management, I have to do this for at least two weeks, at which time is my follow up visit with this doctor………I hope I’m not certifiable by then………your turn God, because I certainly can’t handle this!

Amen.

God is soooooo THERE……

Hey,

Don’t get me wrong, I’m blessed and grateful that He is, trust me.  I just wish I knew why He chooses to wake me from rare sleep to tell me things, especially when my brainfog  takes so long to clear when I get woken up from said rare sleep.

God’s been the most constant friend I have, especially when my actions, and sometimes even my heart, has told Him to kick rocks.  I’ve abused His friendship, forgotten about it when times are extra good, and hung from His neck 24/7 when times were crappy.  Yet He’s consistently overjoyed to hear from me.

Lol, I think I just answered my own question……..He wakes me up to get my undivided attention, just to share a private moment, and say I love you……and it’s on me if my first thought is WHAAAAAAAAAT??  I’m sleeping here, do ya mind?  Wow,. I’m a 50 something bratty teenager, how embarrassing!  I am a true CHILD of God, and my manners suck first thing in the am…….I’m ashamed, and also now know where my son learned the behavior.  No wonder it bugs me so much, mini me.

I’m pretty lucky that God is sooooooooooo THERE…..and glad He always will be!

More later, xx

Suz